When I entered Tulcingo, I was relieved that they did indeed have a little Mexican grocery section in front and loaded a plastic bag full of large beautiful poblano peppers. Then I noticed that the middle third of this restaurant was covered in rows of fresh breads and baked goods, none of which looked familiar.  I visually inspected each item until reaching the back, a counter where you could order food. Well, it was lunch time so I ordered a cemita to-go. That was history. I fell in love with their cemitas and raved about them to Lon. They’re huge and slathered with a great chipotle/mole sauce (I think). Back then (less than a year ago) the Cemita Mixto (mixed sandwich) with three meats was $7.50

Since then, we’ve gone back a few times, always ordering to-go. We’ve tried a few items including their torta, Steak Tampia (pictured top-left), rice & beans (bottom-right), and flan (bottom-left), and found that we don’t care for any of them, with one stand out exception being the awesome Tres Leche cake with walnuts (top-right).

Here’s the bad news: recently their prices have gone up to $8.50 for a two meat cemita. Also, they are consistently incredibly slow, expect to wait 20 minutes for a simple sandwich. And they don’t speak English so we can’t pre-order on the phone though we’ve tried (Lon necesita para practicar su Español). Yet, we will still continue to go back just for the cemitas! They have 14 choices of meats and you can order mixes. Our favorites are pierna (pork leg), lengua (tongue), and chorizo (sausage).

We were invited by Hagan, of 93 Plates, who’s roughly half-way through the project. He only gained 6 lbs. For a 6’2″ guy, that’s nothin’. That’s the difference if I weigh myself in the morning or in the evening, and I’m 5’3″. How is it possible with so much delicious food?

The tacos were over-flowing with delicious toppings.  We tried, steak, tongue, and spicy goat. Lon was so impressed by how the tongue was tender but crisped at the edges. Hagan, devouring the goat with such chile aroma, didn’t want to share his (but we did get to try it). We all agreed, we need to be back for more.

They had a green sauce and a red sauce, both great on just about everything.

For $8, these giant Cemitas can really feed two people. We went with Orlando’s favorite, the spicy pork, and were not one bit disappointed. They pull out a little bit of the bread, which is super fresh with that nice smell of sesame, to give room for more fillings, all tender and chopped up for very easy bite-through. It’s flavorful with tender meat, nice bright accents of crisp lettuce and creamy avocado, and just works!

Lon and Hagan didn’t seem too interested in the rice and beans, but I did appreciate the fluffiness of the rice.

I’m not familiar with Chile Rellenos being so soupy, but I’m sure different areas have their own ways of making it. The batter was too eggy for me and the whole thing was too mushy. I’ll pass on this one.

Lon loved their basket of fresh tortillas.

As if they knew Lon, they brought us some horchata. It’s too sweet for my taste, but you know me by now.

Lastly, I have to rave about the super clean bathroom! You just don’t expect a little place like this to have that and that just sealed the deal. Despite being totally out of the way for us, we’ll be back. Actually, Lon had already decided he was coming back with or without me, but I’ll happily accompany him for some of the best Mexican food we’ve had in NY.

*Idea Flash: If you’re having a superbowl party (and you don’t cook), just order a bunch of their Cemitas.

I probably should admit that my absolute favorite part was Miguel, our bartender. Besides making wonderful drinks, he was passionate about rums and the food they serve, able to give true recommendations based on his personal favorites. Trust Miguel. If he says something is good, it’s good. I recommend going and just letting him steer you through drinks, food, and listen as he gives you a true education.

Watch Miguel, as each preparation is a show. The Classic Hemmingway Mojito (made with rum) starts with rimming the glass with their own spice mix. I really tasted the cinnamon and anise as I sipped, which gave this refreshing drink a winter-y twist. I imagined myself sitting by a fireplace, toasting marshmallows, and sipping away.

Balanced with such perfection, I had a hard time slowing down, knowing there was so much more to come.

Next, Dark & Stormy, made with aged rum, fresh pressed ginger, agave, and lime. Again, so balanced and so smooth.

As we finished up, Miguel was working on the our Rum Manhattan. I caught a glimpse of his movements and grabbed my camera quickly, and couldn’t believe I caught this shot. I’m usually that annoying photographer that is fumbling with camera settings while everyone holds their smiles until their cheeks hurt.

This Rum Manhattan is made with aged rum, their own house-made bitters, bay leaves, and rum soaked blueberries. The orange zest is flamed to release the oils.

With perfect timing, Miguel presented us a plate of Tostones Mochimeros, a popular dish to eat on the beach as you drink rum. The crunchy twice fried green plantains were shaped like petals. A layer of Mojito Mayo is used as tasty glue to hold on the snowy layer of salty white cheese (that apparently is not available here). He told me I could use cotija though cause I’m making these soon, or maybe for $5.50 per plate, I should just let them make it for me.

I guess that was just to warm up because Miguel was setting up a rum flight for us with his personal favorites. The Atlantico is a new rum company that uses Bourbon barrels to age their rum. The result is a strong vanilla flavor. It’s amazing! The Santa Teresa is a much older company, with history to 1796. This one was sharper and a bit strong for me. We ended with Vizcaya, a Cuban rum, that was full and smooth, lasting in the mouth like a coating of caramel. I have a new found respect for rum. I’ve never been big on drinking stuff straight but if I had a bottle of Atlantico or Vizcaya at home, I might unknowingly become a drunk.

Let’s not forget that Caracas is about arepas. They’re different here, served like little pita pockets, but you can taste the light crunch of the corn. I love that they have a variety of sampler plates, where you can get three arepas to try, and they’re split for easy sharing. Miguel recommended La Popular, their three most popular arepas. Why wouldn’t everyone order that? (Ok, I could see myself getting the cheese addicts sampler.)

De Pabellon is shredded beef, black beans, white salty cheese (there it is again, I asked, no name), and sweet plantains. I feel like singing, “these are a few of my favorite things”. You saw Sound of Music right? Reina Pepiada is basically a chicken salad covered in guacamole. For someone who does not like avocado, this was as good as it gets. La Mulata is a vegetarian pocket with grilled white cheese, which had a bouncy and squishy texture. Pretty funky. Jalapenos, sauteed red peppers, fried sweet plantains, and black beans give a nice mix of different textures adding a little heat with some sweetness. I need to try more next time….what a list!

We had already drank enough as you know, but when Miguel offered a Marron (cortado) with coffee rum, I tried to decline, but you know I love coffee. I’m glad Hagan twisted my arm (totally trying to get me drunk) because this was possibly the best drink ever, and you know I don’t say that lightly. Lon, if I fall deep into seasonal depression, throw me over your shoulder and bring me to Caracas in Brooklyn and ask Miguel for one of these. Got it?

Their Obleas, two very thin wafers held together by a thin layer of dulce de leche is a nice light dessert to end with. It’s sweet, but not too sweet, not too heavy, and is great with the spiked Marron.

This meal was comped thanks to Caracas Arepa Bar and Roneria, and thanks to Hagan who invited me along. But, I did take some menus home and I’m looking at the prices, I know I’ll be back. I really had a great time.

The food and drink, with a Peruvian bent, gets you to raise an eyebrow. Our jolly waiter, so excited to recommend, made great choices of a pisco sour and a blackberry cocktail (sorry, don’t remember the name) for us. I have a new found respect for this grape liquor lightened with foamy egg whites. I think of it as a milder, smoother, and more refreshing alternative to margaritas. The controlled sweetness and tartness of the blackberry cocktail won over Bianca and she had two.

When I eat with Bianca, we almost always order more appetizers and go light on entrees so that we can try more. The Manchego Croquetes are better when they’re hot, but forgettable.

The Rib Eye Ceviche was a refreshing dish with rocoto, cilantro, sea urchin, and Peruvian corn, but the sea urchin was lost in it and the Peruvian corn, a bit too large and starchy, feeling separate from the rest of flavors that melded together. Nothing about it tasted bad though, just not quite cohesive.

The Peruvian corn is also used, almost like a salad, with the Empanadas. Here, I loved the large starchy kernels, really more like beans than corn (they’re the size of fava beans). The thin and crisp fried dough is packed with spinach giving each bite a very full mouth of greens flavored with Manchego.

By the time we were done with appetizers, the little sunlight coming through the window was gone. The Lechon, a generous pile of shredded suckling pig was tender and juicy but I could barely see it. I loved the one piece of crackling skin I got but I couldn’t decided if I liked the pastiness of the yucca puree covering every piece of meat. It adds moisture but doesn’t really add flavor.

The Watermelon Fries were surprisingly good. I would never have imagined panko coating and deep-frying watermelon but the light sweetness and frail structure actually work. The main taste and texture is the fried panko, with just a hint of watermelon that disappears into the crunchy munchy snack.

For dessert, we finished our cortadito (macchiato) and Yerba Mate before the dulce de leche filled crepe arrived. I prefer to have it together but it was throat cloggingly sweet and too thick anyway. We didn’t end up finishing it. Overall, my impression is that you come here for drinks and a good time, not necessarily the food, which is more interesting in a theme park kind of way. For about $70 per person (with drinks), it’s worth treating your curiosity.

Prior to arriving in the Glendale location, we were expecting a small, Latin bakery.  Our hope was for some seating (not common in many bakeries) and for the food to be decent.  What we got was a huge cafe, with dozens of people forming lines for the two ends of the restaurant (there are separate ordering areas); we also had a personal greeter who introduced us to how Porto’s works; and we found it to be a humming picture of efficiency… delicious efficiency.

While on line we perused the printed menu while also eyeing the treats in various cases.  To the right was the cold case, filled with the remarkable cakes for which Porto’s Bakery is known.  We marveled at the expertly crafted white chocolate cake, made to look like it was created from silk.  To the left was the hot case, filled with empanadas, croquettes, and other crispy, flaky, and often meat-filled pastries.  And ahead of us was a wide case of Danish pastries, French pastries, Viennese pastries, and more.

In order to avoid weighing 800 pounds, we limited ourselves to three selections each, not including drinks.  (amazingly, yes, six items for two people is “limiting” in our book)  Jessica selected the recommended Refugiado (a cream cheese and guava danish); a Strawberry & Cheese Turn-Over; and the Sweet Bread.  I choose the Plaintain Croquette Stuffed with Black Beans; the Hot Ham & Cheese Croissant; and the Chorizo Meat Pie (empanada).  Our clerk was as rapidly collecting the goods as we were requesting them, and without feeling pressured, moved us along quickly to the cashier.

While he rang us up, she expertly assembled two boxes and organized our breakfast into them.  We were then instructed to head around to the cafe to pick up Jessica’s Cortadito (the Latin version of a Latte Macchiato).  I headed out front to grab a curb-side table under a large shade umbrella.

As I was finishing taking pictures, Jessica came out to meet me, raving about how amazingly fast, but not rushing, the baristas were.  Very un-New York.

We dove into the goodies.  The Strawberry and Cheese Turn-Over was good, but nothing special.  Unfortunately it was a bit flat, which reduced the intensity of the flaky layers.

The Refugiado was more interesting.  The guava was bright and the cheese, a standard cream cheese richness.  Definitely an enjoyable flavor.

The Chorizo Empanada was distinctive.  The filling had a great flavor, with hints of olive and shrimp, but was primarily spiced pork.

The outside offered a bit of eggyness and the expected empanada dough taste.  I enjoyed it, but it’s not a rollercoaster of taste.  However, the next three items, they were.

The Sweet Bread, a choice I was concerned about (it looks pretty plain Jane)… well, it was amazing.  The dough was rich and fluffy and flavorful.

It was fun to pull apart and let it melt on your tongue.  While the top was encrusted in sugar, it wasn’t overly sweet.  Porto had found the right balance.

The Stuffed Plaintain was equally exciting.  The outside was tender, but firm enough to hold the black bean filling.  The beans were savory while the plaintains sweet.  Each bite had that wonderful salty-sweet that everyone loves.  Jessica likened the taste combination to PB&J, but Latin-style. Que Rico!

And the best, I’ve saved to describe last.  The Hot Ham & Cheese Croissant, a seemingly blasé construction was, in sticking with my theme park ride metaphor, a moment of sheer excitement and intensity, like when you start to tilt over the peak of a rollercoaster.  The croissant was large and steaming hot, without being burnt or oily.  The selected cheese, some type of Swiss (I think), was flavorful without overwhelming the sandwich; plus, it gets double credit for evenly melting and lining the interior void with gooey goodness.  And several stacked layers of flavorful ham (read: not junk deli slices) filled the center.  I could’ve eaten six of just that sandwich.  Yum.

Jessica enjoyed everything as she sipped her delicious Cortadito, which she mentioned was preparedly perfectly.

So by now you must’ve calculated our tab?  Perhaps $16?  $24? $31.84?!?  Wrong.  $8.  Yes.

So if you’re anywhere near Los Angeles, take our advice and go to Porto’s and enjoy a wonderful, inexpensive breakfast with expert service.

Having gone with our waiter’s recommendation, my Huevos Rancheros was the best dish. The black bean quesadilla is a nice upgrade from the standard fried tortillas. The two over-easy eggs (my choice on how eggs are done) were perfect and runny. Two pieces of toast (one white, one wheat) seamed excessive at first but you need it to help sop up all the great tomato sauce. The dish is very complete with a bit of guacamole, a sprinkling of cotija cheese, and fresh watercress. I was very happy.

My brother got the Chuletas, a hefty pork chop. You could taste the marinade and the smokiness of the grill. The black beans were under-cooked though. (I didn’t try anything else off his plate.)

Lon and Sophia went with sweet stuff. Lon ordered the Banana Pancakes which should really have been called Pineapple Pancakes. You could barely taste the few pieces of banana in it but the whole plate was covered in little chunks of canned pineapple. The chorizo was quite tasty though.

Sophia had a mediocre waffle, also covered in pineapple chunks, which comes with ice cream.

She ordered a side of Yucca Fries, a generous portion for $3, but terrible. They were under-cooked, tasting raw and fibrous inside. They also didn’t taste like fries at all, just like sauteed chunks sitting in a pool of oil, topped with a good onion relish.

Sticking with savory dishes, it’s a pretty good deal for brunch. Most plates are under $10 and that includes coffee or orange juice. The problem is you may have to stay on top of that. I drank my coffee before our dishes arrived and our waiter said he was bringing me more but it never came and eventually we had to leave. Justin’s OJ never showed up either but they were willing to give him a cup of OJ to-go. I’m probably willing to give this a place another chance since they have potential and prices are low enough to be lenient.

A portion of the brunch menu come with a free drink. I chose the light and refreshing Guanabana Mimosa.

Lon chose the Mayan Chocolate. This was a luscious and milky hot chocolate with a hint of cinnamon.

Our waiter recommended the Chimichurri Chico, two tender short rib sandwiches with lightly panini pressed buns. There was a bit of sliced onions, peppers, and cabbage that I would have liked a little more of, but it was really delicious so I don’t want to complain.

The Yucca Fries were also carefully prepared, crisp outsides with a piping hot soft inside. The light mayo (with cilantro and lime) dipping sauce was perfect.

Our waiter also recommended the Chilaquiles, a wonderful plate of grilled chicken, tortillas with salsa verde, a runny fried egg, and a super light cream cheese. This is a Latin power breakfast, but not at all oily.

The portions were pretty hefty for brunch and drinks were included. The Chimichurri Chico was $12 and the Chilaquiles $13. Seriously, this is one of the best brunch deals in NYC, for taste per cost, and you don’t even have to wait on line.

The meal is a full package already. As soon as you sit, you’ll get salad, a touch vinegary but very good amongst the world of included salads. The bread could be better. It’s like standard supermarket level stuff.

You then choose, rice, baked potato, or fried potatoes. Since Carol has been there before, she recommended the fried potatoes and this is definitely the one you should choose. It’s a cross between french fries and chips, yes, pure crispy heaven! They weren’t seasoned at all so you’ll need to throw on salt yourself.

You also get a plate of steamed green beans with garlic.

Carol ordered a 1 1/4 lb lobster, steamed.

Lon and I split a 4 lb lobster, broiled with bread crumbs. They do a nice job with it, perfectly cooked, and bread crumbs are mixed with the roe and tomalley.

Check out the difference in claw sizes between the 4lb and the 1 1/4 lb.

We also ordered some Clams Oreganata, but you can skip these.

The flan is pretty standard and the cappuccino is weak but pretty.

Service and decor are not exciting, but acceptable. The focus is lobster which they know how to cook properly and the prices are reasonable ($142 including tax and tip for all three of us). I’m dying to try a 20+ lb lobster so I left my number and asked them to call me when they get one.

We started with the Guacamole Tasting, and while I’m not normally a fan of guacamole, I have to admit that I really liked the mango guacamole. The smoky chipotle flavor really won me over and it didn’t really taste like avocados. The Guacamole de Naranja (roasted garlic, orange, chile de arbol) was also good, quite unique and fruity, but I could taste the avocados more here and of course, the regular tasted like avocados. The chips were really crispy and fresh, and totally addictive.

The Mole Tacos taste like they look, chicken with a sweet Mole Sauce, fresh and simple.

The Pescado Tacos were a little more unique than the average fish taco, with the pungent kick of huitlacoche and the texture of grilled corn. It was a little hard for me to pay $14 per plate of 4 tacos, after the 50 cent tacos in Mexico, but these were packed with filling so I think it’s reasonable for NY.

The Enchiladas Verdes was where I thought they got too pricey. Even though the shrimp were nicely cooked and it was presented well, $23.50 for enchiladas just bothers me. It’s really just a creamy tasting dish that wasn’t all that special.

It does come with some fluffy rice and black beans.

This was an enjoyable meal but some of the prices seem out of place. For entrees over $20, I feel like the place has to have more ambiance, not just colored plates (which I didn’t like). Stick to the guacamole and the nice long taco list.

We had our hopes set high for breakfast at La Cueva Del Chango. It came highly recommended from Caroline and Eddie, and also Grace from Grace is Full. It may very well be an awesome breakfast place, but it seems we may never know. It was an odd experience for us at the Monkey Cave. We loved the atmosphere, kind of San Francisco vibe meets the jungle. We had a friendly waiter and started with a wonderfully fresh Mango Lassi and a unique Mamey Shake.

As always, we ask for the waiter to tell us what their signature items are. We wanted all that he recommended and all was going well until he came back and told us the chefs were not making any of it. He seemed to think it was odd too so he went back and asked again. Nope, not making it, wait, he’ll ask again if they are sure. He rushed back and apologized. They were not going to make anything from the entire Chilaquiles section or the Crepes section. That’s seven dishes they just cut off the menu! There was only two dishes left among the Mexican breakfasts.

I didn’t come to eat an American breakfast in Mexico so we ordered the empanadas and Lon picked something off the lunch menu. Then the waiter told us they were offering a special that wasn’t written on the menu. I heard plantains somewhere in there so I said, sure, we’ll take it. It turned out to be a pretty regular dish, a corn tortilla, some refried beans, covered with fried eggs, sprinkled with ham and peas, and a few pieces of plantains. It was enjoyable but not memorable.

Lon’s dish, the Chalupitas, corn cakes topped with beans, avocado, tomatoes and cheese, tasted exactly what it looks like, simple, fresh, but not special. Lon pointed out that it seems like more like a side dish and I have to agree.

The empanadas allow a choice of three from five or six choices. The Chaya filling was really under-seasoned, think boiled collards.

Honestly, I can’t remember what the cactus one tasted like anymore.

The Epazote and Panela was just boring and a little bitter, very skimpy on filling.

The main problem was that they weren’t really empanadas, just corn tortillas folded over.

We saw a little flare with the table salsas, just not enough to help. The food was made with fresh ingredients, but was rather boring and forgettable. I do also realize that life is different down here… still, how does a restaurant cut out two whole sections of their menu, especially if they are the notable parts? (By the way, we were there at 9am so it wasn’t like they ran out.) For that reason, we have to recommend skipping this restaurant if you’re visiting in Playa. On vacation, you have limited meals, so you can’t waste it on a restaurant that doesn’t respect your time.